#bullshit with no regards for internal consistency

[archivedblog16]

I know expecting media literacy from people like you is useless, but just some comments on the "Angel / sexual harrassment" post.

1- you know that not *every* position/opinion that a character says should be taken 100% as truth, but analyzed and understood, right? Yeah, I guess you don't know, but let me just explain: Vaggie said Angel was "sexually harrassing" the staff, ah yes, well, wait, what staff? There was no fucking staff at the Hotel. Angel is a hypersexual survivor, and also a sex worker that needs to find clients. Vaggie was raised in a puritist cult, so obviously she still has internalized puritanism that she needs to work on. She interpretated Angel's coping mechanism and sexuality as harrassment, even though it is very questionable if it was or not.

2- Husk was annoyed at Angel. Not afraid, not victimized, not ashamed. He was annoyed. He pushed Angel back, called him out on his bullshit, and guess what? Angel stopped his behaviour. Because he is a well meaning person, also worthy of love and forgiveness. Wowwww, explaining the OBVIOUS for an anti! Yay!

3- the person that originally made the post defending Angel, *WAS VICTIM OF ACTUAL SEXUAL HARRASSMENT FROM REAL LIFE PREDATORS* (aka NOTHING LIKE ANGEL). But oh my god, my bad, I forgot that antis don't give a single FUCK about real life victims, they just care about the poor Ex Overlord who was *not*, in any circunstamce, victimized by Angel (who is, in fact, a victim of multiple abuse and harrassment), and is in fact the person that needs to change since Angel already improved, but Husk is still judgemental and even hypocritical. (Which doesnt meah he hasnt changed or that he isnt worthy of love/forgiveness, it's the opposite actually).

I will, again, pretend that you only make ass takes because of your lack of media literacy and empathy towards real life survivors that love the show, rather than other worse reasons.

1. Yeah, you are totally correct. There are times when a character is an unreliable narrator or speaker but in this case Vaggie is 100% correct regarding the sexual harassment comment. Actually, there is staff at the hotel. Even the Hazbin hotel pilot addresses it. Alastor asked Charlie where is her staff which only had Vaggie, prompting Alastor to summon Husk and Niffty. Husk serving the drinks aka bartending while Niffty cleans the hotel. Alastor also chimes in to help Charlie as well, becoming part of the staff too.

So when Vaggie calls out Angel Dust for sexual harassing the staff, she refers to Husk/Alastor but mainly Husk. Vaggie also tells Angel Dust to stop bothering Husk and let him do his job. Angel Dust can easily find clients outside of the hotel. What’s your point regarding Angel Dust being hypersexual, we all know that but that doesn’t excuse his actions and what did to Husk.

2. Husk wasn’t just annoyed, he was uncomfortable too like any normal person would be. Throughout the 4 episodes Angel Dust consistently would invade Husk’s space, touching him without his permission like his face and wings, making obnoxious sex jokes around him, saying and implying crude gestures and behaviors like how Angel Dust can make those wings of his flap or how the two can look together under the covers or under his bed.

Yes, I already know that Angel Dust stopped after Husk and him have a heart to heart movement, immediately becoming open and chill to the others. Good for him I guess. That’s why in my post I said the first 4 episodes. Aww, thanks Anon for condescendingly explaining this to me like I am a 2 year old! I really appreciate.

3. Yes, I know that user was defending Angel Dust, that is part of the reason I found the post interesting, along with them labeling Angel Dust’s actions as “aggressive flirting.” While, I am on the topic of aggressive flirting, I do wonder when does aggressively flirting cross the line? When does it stop being aggressively flirting? Would people still see it as “aggressively flirting” if Husk was a woman and Angel Dust was a straight male? Would anyone see this as “aggressively flirting” if the roles switched being Angel dust on the receiving end, while Valentino does the same actions as Angel Dust in the prime series.

The comment you made about antis not caring about irl victims is so gross as this the same show that picks and chooses which character we should feel bad for sexual harassment or rape, while the character gets treated as a joke getting put through similar treatment as character A. And there tons of people in the Hazbin anti/critical community who call out Husk for being hypocritical in episode 6 and still call him till this day.

[sirenixspook]

Revenge & Kapricorn’s Karma⏳

Saturn/Capricorn placements in a chart can show where the fruits from the labor will be yielded often later in life. Saturn/Cap rules the domains of time, consistency, patience, discipline, karma, and the grown up perspective. Saturn is the “father” of the zodiac, it’s lessons resemble “tough love” given from a father.

Those ruled by Capricorn or Saturn dominant are the ones who woodpick away behind the scenes and return back one day with an empire built, often formed from a long trail of patience from hard-learned lessons.

As a Scorpio I hold importance to Saturn as it is the area in your chart where shit starts to “click” and enemies who have done you wrong in the past receive the wrath of your karma. This is preceded by years of difficulty and trial-and-error, creating ease with obstacles and abundance (!!!) after the lessons of Saturn start to show itself. The house which Capricorn rules also applies to where abundance will be accumulated later on.

Saturn 1H- Difficulties with who you are, obstacles with mental strength, may be self conscious over appearance, could be seen as too “harsh” by others. They may too strictly abide to moral conduct or show aggression. A disciplined approach for life’s ups and downs and strong willpower regards to self will surface over time, these people may have a major physical glow up and learn to embody a CEO presence in any room. Also predominant knees and bony appearance, they may develop an athletic build later on.

Saturn 2H- Difficulties with managing money, blockages regarding spending and internal values. Pickiness with food intake, could struggle with having too little/never having enough. This is a great house for saturn to be in for monetary gain, the trials this placement endures with their material endeavors teaches them how to discipline their indulgence. They acquire a solid understanding of money and build up strong personal values/self esteem over time. That credit score washes away their tears.

Saturn 3H- Difficulties with acquiring and learning new skills, masks the value of their thoughts as they may have dealt with others making them feel inferior or stupid. Problems with school or driving possibly, may have a communication style that is perceived as annoying. Saturn teaches them to become a teacher and lead with their expression. These people learn integrity from constant debates with their heart and mind and have a mature, sophisticated view on methodology.

Saturn 4th- Difficulties growing up and in the home/family, this placement was often emotionally neglected in childhood due to their caretakers not understanding their needs, or expected to hold everyone up. They could feel like the unappreciated father of the household. As they master patience with their family members they can be a generational curse breaker and put a strong familial support system in place. This placement has been aware of bullshit from an early age and their mature, structured foundation gets them through emotional ups and downs with ease.

Saturn 5H- Difficulties with dating life and having fun. Could feel like a “stifled sun,” pursuits of pleasure end up feeling like a chore. They may feel indifferent in their sex life and resist time meant for enjoyment, a “party pooper.” Over time they take on a disciplined approach to romance, attracting established suitors. They can become seriously talented and may succeed in creative business, and their dedication to one hobby helps them become a leader in the creative/entertainment realms. They end up having well disciplined egos and a respected reputation.

Saturn 6H- this placement could manifest as being overly disciplined with work routines; could be seen as bossy, relying on heavy structure to get through a day of work. They could be undervalued by their employer yet still choose to sell the underdog and work diligently. Over time they take on the importance of wellbeing after a string of health problems, possibly as knee or joint pain. Their work ethic ends up rewarding them with high successes in their field.

Saturn 7H- Difficulties balancing relationship with others vs oneself, these people don’t have smooth relationships or experience repetitive cycles appearing from partner to partner. They learn the importance of the relationship with the self, and their good relationships come later in life. Often times this placement attracts the most meaningful relationships when they don’t focus on them. When they do find that person, they will commit to them for a lifetime.

Saturn 8H- Difficulties with understanding the deeper facets of one’s nature. This placement struggles with intimacy, the rigidity of Saturn tends to block attempts at a deeper bond with others. They may appear sexually vibrant on the outside but their stubbornness will show when they try to get intimate. Over time they learn how to use their seriousness for their advantage in terms of acquiring assets and getting to the bottom of an investigative matter. As they learn to release control with the vulnerable and get familiar with what’s waiting in the unknown, they transform into quite deeply tender souls.

Saturn 9H- Difficulties with changing world viewpoint/philosophy, could have rigid beliefs and have a hard time adapting other views. Often times they are distant from their father and siblings due to conflicting beliefs, and may find themselves at odds with others. The rules of Saturn conflicts with this Jupiter ruled house’s need to expand and open the mind. They learn to nurture the core of their beliefs and master their truth and vision. Their journey for truth meets success in higher districts- in higher education, in gov/law careers, politics etc.

Saturn 10H- Difficulties with long term vision, they are used to believing they don’t have what it takes to meet what is expected of them, may resent authority or carry disdain from strict figures in their life. This placement feels like walking on a trip line and having an enormous amount of pressure on you from everyone watching. Saturn teaches this person to reach the destination point step by step, they learn that taking false shortcuts can bring them crumbling down. They may experience the public eye witnessing their greatest fall and greatest comeback.

Saturn 11H- Difficulties with finding acceptance amongst friends and community, feeling like the “black sheep” (Speaking personally, this placement may make you a stand out as a lone wolf). Could feel like they can’t fit in and get caught in bad friendships, aversion to technological advancements and may feel inferior to their peers. They learn that acceptance comes from within and develop meaningful friendships later in life. As time goes on they let go of trying to fit in and master their uniqueness/individuality, which can make them shine as an influencer or community leader.

Saturn 12H- Difficulties with accepting spirituality and repeating karma. It may be hazy for this placement when it comes to adapting discipline, they may take on substance abuse or be drawn to immoral/illegal behaviors. Saturn places temptations for material incitement in this person’s life and isolates them until they learn how to let go of desire. Inner bliss is a road of difficulty for this placement, they learn to see outside of themselves and become disciplined in charity. They may end up attracting heaps of good karma after a lifetime of learning the importance of inner retreat and acts of good faith.

******

I am not a professional astrologer, this is based on my own understanding. Please correct me on any inaccuracy

-Ari🔱

[theeternalwomb]

Channeled message: march 31, 2024

Some of you are undergoing some really heavy transitions here and some of are you are about to stepping into manifestations or be given things you’ve been asking for long term or things that were divinely orchestrated for you to have as these things are part of the divine plan for you to come into, it was only a matter of time I just heard. Someone or some of you have done a lot of inner work or undergone a lot of tower moments within the last couple of years or beyond that. There’s emphasis on past life karma or deeply rooted triggers, past situations or nostalgia weighing heavy on the heart chakra. Issues and blockages with the nervous system are significant as well. Some of you who this message is for may not have super trivial or turbulent pasts or can’t think of anything that has happened to you that may have caused significant damage or changes but some of you have had a humble beginning or have had to pave the way for yourself for a long while and are making breakthroughs at this time, I just heard “debut” someone actually makes music but there’s an energy of those who are being blessed soon being given the opportunity to really step outside of their shell or step outside of a version of themselves or a version of their reality that was stagnant or was limiting for a really long time. Someone is due for a heavy reset in their lives as well and is being pushed to leave all things behind.

Whomever this person is has dealt with a good amount of loss or was being prepared to make these steps for the past couple of months as they went through a consistent process of having to let things go that they carried with them a long time and this is sort of a climax moment in your plot here. You made a physical transformation (through appearance perhaps and/or most certainly through people and environment) there may be people from your past or people you’ve let go of whose karma is coming around to them soon or were taken aback by the move you made to move forward without them and are going to continue to be taken aback for whatever is coming for you next or whatever you’re about to come into. i just heard, "you need to stop hiding." someones fear of being seen made a spontaneous return or there was some sort of extinction burst here but spirit says that behavior isn’t going to do moving forward.

Someone is struggling with guilt or a lot of unresolved feelings and deeply rooted issues or emotions regarding various situations within their past but there’s a message here about coming up on the moment where it’s finally time to let these things go. Indefinitely. Someone had some sort of “villain origin story” or some sort of large emotional catalyst that caused them a lot of chaos and pain I’m hearing but you can’t take that with you where you’re going. Whatever you’re about to receive is on its way but while you wait confront all these things that are coming up to the surface to be let out and resolved. You’re sensitive to energies at this time as well, you know what people are thinking of you or how they feel about you on an internal scale whether they want to admit it or not but this is there problem don’t let their energy dictate the way that you feel. Whatever guilt you’re holding onto, whatever energy they’re sending that you’re absorbing, you need to release. You did the best you could, let it go. Forgive yourself and forgive others. Let it go.

Letting things go is very significant at this time. Don’t let other people’s thoughts, energies, perceptions of you or intentions hold you back any longer. Take all your power back. 2023 is significant as well as 2022 and 2020/2021. There’s a lot of unresolved bullshit within the heart chakra that may be effecting the solar plexus as well as the sacral chakra, I almost said root, the root as well.

Heart: love, healing, acceptance

Mantra: “I love..”

Solar plexus: vitality, manifestation

Mantra: “I do..”

Sacral: creativity, abundance

Mantra: “I feel..”

Root: survival, trust, grounding

Mantra: “I am..”

Pay really close attention to where all your emotions are felt in the body when triggering emotions or thoughts arise within you. The chakras I just channeled tell me a lot about what’s been going on within the collective and where a lot of these trigger points or internal emotions or dialogue are sitting. There’s a lot of crisis or reflection regarding who you loved, what you loved, what you were passionate about, how you loved, what love meant to you, and that experience and what you did/were doing in the name of love or in the energy of love, there’s a LOT of feelings and unresolved emotions and just *shit* really that’s sitting within oneself regarding all of that and who that makes you or your essence!! Forgive yourself for the mistakes you made, for the times when you couldn’t love yourself beyond how much you loved others, and for some of you make peace with the fact that the hardship is over and you did what was asked of you and stood tall in what you loved, believed in and were passionate about despite what you faced from others. A lot of this hardship took place 2020-2023 for a lot of you. Remember who you are, what makes you who you are, your essence, your power, your energy, your strength! There’s a lot of self hatred or some overly critical energy you’ve picked up along the way that’s coming up. Someone feels like throwing up or has been nauseous lately. A physical manifestation of spiritual and internal purging.

This message is really long, can I shut up?

[ssunspotted]

Ooc: how did Tolya's upbringing shape how they view mental illness (their own and others')? How do they feel about the broader societal stigma towards mental illness & conversely the pockets of radical acceptance in their new world?

How did Tolya's upbringing shape how they view mental illness (their own and others')?

(BADLY. Tolya had incredibly high expectations placed on them from childhood while also struggling developmentally due to their neurological disorder. This was never recognized for what it was, and from a very young age they accrued baggage about not being able to keep up with others, or coming across as lazy or stupid.

The solution pushed for their falling behind was invariably Taking Personal Responsibility™ and just trying harder to push through because failure was not an option, and that idea being beaten in so consistently throughout their younger years left a permanent mark on them. There was a long while where they subscribed completely to the 'pull yourself up by the bootstraps' mentality, and their damaged self image from not being able to do so was weaponized against them very successfully, in a way that really reinforced a sense of desperate inadequacy and led to them more readily deferring to others.

In the early years of their freedom post-incarceration, Tolya had IMMENSE internalized ableism, and their self loathing, frustration, and the more troubling aspects of their delusions caught plenty of people in the crossfire. Openly anxious, paranoid, guilty, or especially meek people were easiest to project onto (negative), and their self flagellation would turn external and hostile quickly in the wrong situation. There has been a LONG journey taken to unlearn some of this bullshit and alter their behavior, even if it's still dangerously cathartic to other themself from their memories of who they were and look down on their past self's entire mental health situation.

How do they feel about the broader societal stigma towards mental illness & conversely the pockets of radical acceptance in their new world?

Eternal frustration that social attitudes make it difficult for people to seek help or even acknowledge mental health struggles. What a shame that THIS is what people feel so afraid to talk about and share of all things. They're also acutely aware that openly expressed mental illness, down to just seeming off or awkward or lost/annoying/inconvenient will be used against a person the moment they become any kind of a target, and they take note of egregious examples that victimize the ill (or homeless) specifically. There's A Lot more judgement about that happening behind the screen than they'll let on. On that note, they compulsively seek to be solace for those they see their own mental health struggles in. Even to a degree that doesn't serve them. As for the last part of the question; Y'all have no idea how easy it could still be to reduce this fucker to sobbing over unexpected shows of grace or forgiveness, especially if they've just had a fit of some kind or shown their hand regarding their mental health. This is stuff that online interactions can't get across but you have no idea.

It's easier than it used to be, but I expect it'll never be easy to process. NOW ON THE OTHER HAND, some things that you could call objectively maladjusted are falling under that Radical Acceptance umbrella and well. I'll say it's not helping their attempt at being Normal* and connecting to people. This is a Freak who Is having a lot of freak behaviors wholly enabled. Yay!)

[fizzlicious]

Black Coffee - Tim Wright x Reader Chapter 4

      The next few days proceeded like normal. The days at work were the same mundane bullshit played on a loop. You had decided not to inform Helen on your encounter with Tim, knowing she would practically berate you and your poor common sense. It was easy to imagine her stunned face if you told her you gave a strange, disoriented man a ride at night. Regardless, you still thought about it regularly. Waitressing was so fast-paced that it was easy to get into a robotic rhythm as you tried to survive the dinner rush. But when you were closing, you found yourself hoping that maybe he'd come in for a coffee. You wondered if he found his car and was already off to the next town. Or was he still at the hotel? The thoughts were a bunch of imaginary scenarios, eventually the logical side of your brain would redirect you back to reality.

        Eventually, it had become a week since you last saw Tim. You had a glimmer of hope that he would return, but when one week turned into two, it became glaringly obvious he was gone. There goes the only sense of excitement in your life, back to living a boring life at a boring job in a boring town. On the bright side, Helen always kept you entertained and business had been exceptionally good recently. Even weekday nights were a consistent flow of cash. Paying rent on time was less of a maybe and more guaranteed. You still wasted a lot of money online shopping but that's not important. 

        After a very stressful and successful Friday night, Barty called all the staff together before it was time to leave. He was gloating about getting his tax return and insisting on taking everyone out for drinks. Seeing that this was very out of character for him, you decided to join. How could you turn down a few free rounds anyways? You had to practically beg old Helen, but she finally agreed to tag along. After agreeing on a bar, you all got into your individual cars and headed to the spot. Unsurprisingly, anxiety filled your stomach as you got closer to the bar. Getting drunk with your coworkers was uncharted territory and you weren't exactly a social butterfly. But still, that's more of a reason to go out and socialize right?

        One of the bussers, two dishwashers, three cooks, and two other waitresses joined the group at the bar. It was surprisingly nice out that night, so you all decided to overtake a few tables on the patio. The wooden picnic tables were weathered away from years of use and the natural elements, but they were still standing. Sure, they were full of splits and splinters but you just had to ignore that. Fairy lights were strung overhead from post to post, creating a nice ambience you didn't expect. You mostly chatted with the other waitresses, Helen, Cam, and Tiffany. Everyone already knew Tiffany was a blatant alcoholic so you had to bite your tongue when she was already three shots and a mixed drink in. Everybody has a vice or something right? You thought of Tim smoking his cigarettes and internally smacked yourself. When would the disarrayed man leave your thoughts? The current conversation was regarding relationships. Restaurant staff always had those few people that sleep with each other, and apparently everyone knew everyone's business but you. You were currently being filled in about how Tiffany was openly sleeping with one of the cooks and had apparently slept with Barty. That was a WTF moment.

        "But what about you, [Y/N]? Have you been seeing anyone?" Cam questioned with an eyebrow raise, leaning her arms on the table. You really did like Cam. You rarely had the same shifts as her, but she was really sweet. Sometimes she'd cover for you if you wanted to call in here or there and you'd do the same for her. She had short brown hair and bangs that were always nicely styled to frame her face. Her hazel eyes were accented by a thin frame of glasses and freckles dotted across her nose. She was only a few years older than you and seemed the most relatable in the group. All you knew of her was that she also grew up here, kept to herself, and had just informed the group of her new boyfriend.

        "No, not really. I've been enjoying being single I guess," You laughed it off. It was true, you really didn't mind being single. It was peaceful living alone and you didn't have to deal with sharing your space or a shitty partner. Helen burst out laughing. You turned to her in surprise. "What?!"

        "Come on [Y/N], you've been single since you started working! You know there's plenty of nice men in town, you seem them every week!" Helen nagged. You had to restrain yourself from rolling your eyes. Dating in a small town was a trap and the selection of guys was embarrassing. Before you could make a comeback, Tiffany decided to speak up.

        "Kevin's always talking about you. I bet he'd go out with you sometimes," The blonde suggested in a hushed tone. You wanted to gag but kept the urge at bay. Kevin was a trashy 28 year old cook that wasn't going anywhere in life. He'd go out with anything that walked. Helen and Cam seemed to have the same thought based on their facial expressions. 

        "Yeah, I think I'll stay single for awhile," You remarked and took a sip of your drink. Luckily, the uncomfortable situation dissolved and the new topic centered on why Barty was being so generous. Everyone knew he was sitting on a stack of cash from his parents, but he was a grumbling penny pincher. Only minutes in, Barty interrupted you guys with a round of shots. You did not want to take one, but the social pressure was crippling. Before you knew it, two shots were down and you found a jello shot in your hand. Sensing the mental block coming, you met your drinking limit and refused to take another sip or shot. The group came closer together, the conversations loud and obnoxious. You were feeling ready to leave, but the buzz in your brain told you it wasn't safe.

        Cam seemed to notice your discomfort and tugged on your sleeve lightly. "Do you want to go to the bathroom?" She yelled over the commotion. You nodded graciously and stood with her, slipping away from the loud group. The other tables outside were now all occupied. You weren't too knowledgeable about the bars in your area, but you knew this one was a hot spot. Cam squeezed past the tables, leading you to the door.

        Inside the bar was even more chaotic than outside. The space was tight with thick groups of people hovering everywhere. Loud music and sport TVs blasted at the same time, scrambling with the loud voices among the crowd. Men hollered in either disappointment or glee as a touchdown was made. A quick glance to the bar showed the bartenders scrambling to survive the busy night. You followed the path Cam made, surprised at how easily she split the sea of people apart. You admired how bold and surefooted she was. She was definitely more confident than you were, weaving in between people effortlessly.

        Finally, the two of you reached the hallway that occupied the bathrooms. Cam wasted no time pushing the door inside, approaching the counter to look into the mirror. You copied her, glancing into the mirror beside her. Staring at your reflection, you were suddenly aware of how intoxicated you are. With shaky hands, you smoothed down some messy strands of hair and tucked a few pieces behind your ear. Cam sighed softly and looked over to you.

        "Do you really like working at the diner?" She questioned. You watched your eyebrows furrow at her question. You didn't know Cam too well, the question was unexpected. Leaning against the sink counter, you turned towards her.

        "Well yeah, I guess. It's easy and pays well. It's not like I have a degree or a huge passion for a career," The words you spoke were honest, but you were still wondering why she had asked. "Why?"

        "I don't know, I just wonder what I'm doing sometimes. Obviously I can't afford college, not to mention the closest one is hours away. But I don't want to be like Helen!" Her remark made you burst out laughing. It was a bit rude but extremely true.

        "Okay wait! I didn't mean it like that," Cam insisted, although she was smiling. "I just mean I don't want to live in this shitty town forever serving tables." Her words resonated with you. It was depressingly accurate and something you thought of from time to time but never spoke of. Partly because of how sad it was and also because you didn't really have many people to talk to.

        "No no I get what you mean!" You spoke quickly, assuring her you understood and agreed with her. "t's the typical small town dilemma. Nothing here to do but what else do we do?" Cam nodded, leaning back and forth on the wall behind her.

        "Yeah, exactly. Every job I've looked at pays shit. I've thought about moving, but I don't know where to," Cam admitted. Before you could respond, two drunk girls burst into the room. One was sobbing hysterically, the other drunkenly trying to soothe her. You recognized them from high school, they were a few grades above you but you remembered they were popular. They stumbled into a stall, one girl loudly falling to the ground. The words were hard to make out, but it was something about some guy. Suddenly, the atmosphere was very awkward. 

        "Uhh, should we go outside?" You suggested. Cam seemed relieved at your suggestion and eagerly took the lead. Instead of heading back to the patio, Cam surprised you by heading to the front door. She held the door open for you and waited for it to shut before starting down the sidewalk. As soon as she was off the property, she reached into her jacket pocket and pulled out a pack of cigarettes with a lighter. Huh, you didn't know she smoked. As she pulled one out of the package, she gestured it towards you and you declined. 

        "Oh no thanks, I don't smoke." Cam nodded and placed the cigarettes back in her pocket, slowing down to place the stick between her lips and light it. The heavy smoky smell was always gross to you, but you kept it to yourself. Once she was situated, the two of you began to walk silently together. The bar was located in what was considered "downtown", a circle of local shops and businesses that were all closed. There were hardly any lights to illuminate the street, but you weren't very worried. It was incredibly quiet.

        "God, that bar is too loud," She complained before taking an inhale. 

        "I know! It got insane fast! I was going crazy to be honest," You admitted.

        "So, why'd you stick around? Is it because of family?" Cam continued her questions. You frowned slightly at the sensitive topic. The relationship between you and your family was... strained. They hardly spoke to you and you never reached out. Honestly, you preferred it that way.

        "No, not really. I don't speak to them much. I just didn't have an out. I had the job at the diner in high school so when I graduated I just planned to work there until I figured it out."

        "And have you?" Cam asked. You weren't sure why Cam was getting to know you on such a personal level. It felt a bit uncomfortable and invasive, but you thought that Cam could become a good friend. She was definitely very intelligent and interesting. Figuring there was nothing to lose, you continued to entertain her.

        "No, I'm still working on it," you admitted with a sigh. Cam laughed at your response. You decided to ask her the same. "Well, what about you? Why are you still in this dingy town?"

        Cam groaned at the mention of it. "It's such a complicated mess. I was dating this guy in and out of high school. I was planning to go to college, but he wasn't going. I ended up staying to be with him thinking we'd get married. So I got comfortable, moved in with him, got a job at his family's cigar shop. And then two years later, he cheated and got some girl pregnant!" She began to ramble. The emotion in her voice told you the situation was still heavy on her mind. You couldn't help but to feel bad for her. 

        "Wow, I'm so sorry. That must've been really hard," You muttered, not really sure what to say. Cam shook her head adamantly. 

        "Oh no, it's okay. I'm sorry to get all weird and dump all that out on you," she spoke with a dismissive wave of her hand. "Things are so much better now."

        "Well that's good! How's it going with your new boyfriend?" You wondered. Cam flicked her dead cigarette behind her before answering.

        "It's.. good. He's super sweet, zero red flags. It's refreshing considering the other guys around here. Just a really good guy." Her words were genuine, but you could tell by her tone that something was bothering her.

        "But...?" You provoked her to spill. Your life was pretty uneventful romantically, you were getting pretty invested in Cam's current situation.

        "It's just weird! He doesn't have any ambitions or goals or anything. He'd be perfectly fine living here forever, never changing or doing something different. If you ask him where he wants to be in five years he just goes blank," She vented, crossing her arms defensively. You knew the type of guy she was describing automatically.

        "I hate that! I've met so many people here with the same mindset. I don't know exactly where I want to be in five years, but I know it's not here," You expressed. Cam agreed and then grew silent. You wanted to give her some honest advice, but didn't want to come across as pushy or cross a boundary. The two of you walked aimlessly for a few minutes, circling around the town square. You started to reflect on everything that just happened, dwelling significantly on one thing. Why did Cam approach you and pull you out here? Not wanting the silence to drag on any longer, you started a new conversation.

        "It really sucks we don't work the same shifts except for Fridays! Helen's nice but she isn't very... relatable. And Tiffany is a lot," You spoke. Cam cracked up at that. 

        "I can't stand Tiffany!! Sometimes I want to tell her to shut the fuck up!" Cam gushed, causing you to laugh as well. "But yeah, it does suck. We should definitely hang out though! Maybe Barty will keep doing charity bar nights," She joked. The two of you had now circled back to the bar. The group was definitely wondering where the two of you had gone, but you did not care. You really liked talking to Cam and getting to know her a bit. It'd be nice to hang out with her. The conversation you had with her was already one of the most meaningful ones you had all year. The two of you walked up the steps to the bar door. Cam rested her hands on the handle and before opening it, turned back to you.

        "Thanks for talking with me, [Y/N]."

[alpaca-clouds]

Neoliberals are actually not really liberal

Let me talk a bit about what is currently going on in Germany, politically.

Knowing that most people on this website are from the US of A, a quick thing about German politics: We do have more than two parties. In fact it does happen from time to time that there is a new party and actually does get elected into parliament. As such, obviously, usually different parties need to form a coalition to rule the country after an election, because nobody gets 51% of the seats in parliament.

Currently we do have a ruling coalition consisting of our Green Party, the "social democrat party" (that by now is not very social at all) and the neoliberal party. With the counter coalition currently mostly consisting out of the "christian democrat party" (that is neither very christian, nor very democratic, tbh), the left party (that is currently not very left) and the right-wing "alternative for Germany".

And currently German politics are not going anywhere, because the fucking neoliberals do block most propositions brought forward within the coalition.

Meanwhile the "Christian Democrats" keep screaming about liberal economics (after being the ruling party for 16 years).

And, like... None of them are really liberal. Not even on an economic basis.

See, for once the neolibs try to right now block off the self-id bill, that has been not only proposed by the current coalition (that they are part of) but that they have actually campaigned on before the last election. And, like... It is a fairly liberal idea, right? That people can actually themselves as liberated people say "yeah, I am of this or that gender" and have it officially changed. Compared to the current law, that is not only expensive, but also fucking humiliating.

But this entire bullshit does continue into the economic stuff. You know, the stuff that they are supposed to be liberal about.

Because they just keep blocking off all sorts of new technologies. Be it renewable energy, be it thermal heat pumps, or be it electric cars. Things that at least in regard to the renewable energy and to the electric cars people really do want. But because of the party's ties to the companies working on coal energy and on the old model cars... they just keep giving government subsidies to those things, while blocking off the new stuff.

And then they go crying, because nobody on the international market does want to buy cars any longer, because our EVs are shit.

You really cannot make that kinda stuff up >.<

[ms-all-sunday]

curious about your thoughts on eugenics re:wci

i think you were opening something bigger than you realized because the way eugenics is treated in wci is why i think wci is objectively the weakest part of op. i have gone on record saying i dont like how judge is handled but i would like how judge is handled significantly better if the way the narrative about the eugenics wasn't so contradictory.

as it stands now i think the fact nobody aknowledges as i put it "the fact going against eugenics isnt determined by the way that you were born" in regards to the poison narrative (as i mentioned before, the fact sora takes poison to stop eugenics from happening but it's used later to justify why sanji is nice, leading the audience to believe that was biologically determined. which is eugenics) means that the logic behind eugenics but not the appearance of eugenics gets validated.

it's a really shallow narrative in a way that reads as out of character for oda a guy who can generally handle nuance incredibly well. as to why this is i have no idea the mystery of wci will remain unsolved until the end of time i think.

this logic negatively affects everything in wci in regards to the vinsmokes because I'm assuming here, the intent is that the vinsmokes arent emotionless and judge is a bad scientist (men when you tell them anger is an emotion🤬) but absolutely none of that is acknowledged within the actual narrative to detrimental affects to everybody involved but most egregiously reiju and sanjis relationship and them individually.

wci makes me feel like im going insane in this regard because lets start out with the obvious. reiju should've left and not sanji, by her own logic that should be true. reiju decided sanji had emotions and therefore he should leave, but crucially, she had emotions. she should leave.

"oh but reiju wasnt abused and favoured because she had powers" alright lets accept that that's true.

is reiju even supposed to be an abuse victim?

because she is and i dont think anybody would deny that. she consistently favours men in her life over herself despite being more capable and intelligent than sanji is. she thinks she's a worthless monster because of how men have treated her in her life. her narrative is almost exclusively a tragedy of how she consistently favours most notably sanji over herself. and if she favours men over herself and they dont care about her why would they care if she left?

maybe because shes an abuse victim and percieves it like she's crucial to them because of conditioning, if she was really an objective logic monster by her own reasoning she would've left with sanji because she would've realized they dont give a damn about her.

and oda knows what sexism is. he's familiar. i can't imagine he'd write something like this on accident.

the only logic in which the narrative presented works is if you take everything at face value, which as we've discussed isn't even right- it's like an ouroboros of not making any damn sense on so many layers its so fucking frustrating and i have no idea what oda is doing with any of it

and dont even get me started on the "evil sanji is a switch you can get flipped on" stuff. thats so fucking painfully stupid, that's not how eugenics work, that's not how anything works. that's not how the experience of being an abuse victim works (sanji very obviously has internalized judges ideology and the idea theres a switch you can flip on to turn him evil is so stupid sanji is already "evil" in this exact way to some degree. hes got internalized bullshit he externalizes constantly) none of that is grounded in reality and it's not even a coherent argument even related to eugenics anymore it might as well be magic, because it's nothing.

if i had to guess what went wrong here is that judge and the concept of eugenics got wapoled (protraying something as bad but not having any coherent argument against it, something in earlier chapters oda does quite often. wapol a prime example) but oda had more or less grown out of that since post timeskip so what the fuck!

thesis: reiju is the first badly written woman oda has ever put to page and abuse victim switch you can flip on is so comically terrible it makes me want to put my head in a meat grinder.

[blackcandlesinwinter]

Tangent, maybe, but I also find myself wondering how robust the gap between male and female elite athletic performance really is. Like, the argument is that, while plenty of women are stronger, faster, etc than plenty of men, the very TOP male athletes will always be much better than the very TOP female athletes. And I... I guess I have questions.

One obvious issue, for the purpose of Imane Khelif's sport, is that this makes much less sense for a sport like boxing where success is not based purely on raw fastness or strongness but also focus, balance, reflex, intuition, observation, movement, response time, and a ton of other skills that don't have anything to do with testosterone-based muscle bulk or whatever. Men might be heavier on average, but we already have weight classes for that, right? So even if it's true that men do have some testosterone advantages in strength or speed, it seems presumptuous to assume that NO elite woman could EVER hope to compete with an elite man in boxing.

But what about those "raw numbers" sports? Like running, swimming, weight lifting, etc? There's a pretty consistent gap between elite men and elite women in (all?) of these sports that would keep women off the leader board at major international competitions. I guess I'm just wondering, is there more to that gap than just biological destiny? Athletics has changed so much in the modern age. Talent searches have gotten more and more thorough. Training and nutrition regimens have been improved. We have better technology for support (shoes, clothes, etc). More athletes have access to a career, monetary support, coaches, medicine, and resources to guide them to the top and, as a result, we have discovered and trained people who can do athletic feats that would never have been dreamed of 100 years ago. And I can think of a LOT of ways that women world-wide would be disadvantaged in this regard.

Less encouragement to develop athletic ability from an early age

Less family/peer/societal support for female career athletes

Less monetary support for women to make athletics their sole career

Less talent searching for female athletes

Fewer sponsorships

Less rigorous study of training, nutrition, gear, and medical needs for female bodies

Athletic careers being seen as incompatible with childbearing

Severe gender-based marginalization of women and girls in many places that limit their opportunities for schooling, training, or a career

Now, if all of these disparities didn't exist, would that erase the gender performance gap? Maybe not. Maybe yes for some sports and not for others. I don't know. But I am confident that, at the very least, the gap would get narrower. After all, we see this with male athletes all the time. Do we think that American men have some natural biological advantage in swimming purely due to the fact that they compete for the USA? Or is there just more support, talent hunting, and resources for swimming in the US? We've seen many times that countries will abruptly improve their athletic rankings when they start investing in a team, providing money, expertise, and the ability to head-hunt and support the best athletes. Why should the same not be true for investing more in women athletes?

I dunno... the incuriousity frustrates me. It's like people see the gender gap exists and then jump straight to assuming that the cause must be testosterone or bone density or masculine facial features or some bullshit as opposed to giving a passing thought to literally any of the bullet points above. Seriously, I'm just waiting for people to start trying to disqualify female athletes for having too heavy of bones or broad of shoulders or too much body hair or some bullshit that they claim gives them a "male physical advantage." Meanwhile, men's bodies are praised in their natural form, no matter how many unique adaptations and advantages it gives them over the competition. And they act like this somehow won't deepen the marginalization that already keeps so many women out of elite sports! Imagine what women athletes might be able to do if we truly invested in them and celebrated the full range of feats that their bodies can do rather than demanding that they conform to a presumed biological second-class status, where any deviation disproves their womanhood rather than disproving the their supposed inferiority!

But instead we get "Oh, don't worry your pretty little head about wage gaps or lack of opportunity or lack of institutional support or bias in nutrition and gear and sports medicine or any of that. The REAL problem is that women are naturally frail and helpless and the solution is to keep any scary, manly-looking women away from them! That will solve everything!"

all professional athletes have a “biological advantage” and nobody cares unless it’s a trans woman or a woman with an intersex condition. the average person could not become a professional athlete. there are plenty of male athletes with biological advantages that make them perform better than their colleagues. they’re not disqualified for producing less lactic acid or having statistically longer limbs. but women are under a microscope.

[miserablecool]

Philosophy is fun for like 5 seconds until you encounter literally any actual material on the subject and you suddenly remember that it's all bullshit

[samueldays]

Some collected ChatGPT sillinesses

Or, "Building an Artificial Idiot". Because ChatGPT is not, I repeat, it is not an artificial intelligence. It is a large language model (LLM). In non-technical terms, it gives the most common sort of answer found in the training data, sort of like autocomplete suggestions for common words on your phone. This is good enough for common questions, but frequently inconsistent from question to question. There is very little point in trying to argue ChatGPT into consistency, because the training data is inconsistent, being the collected opinions of many different people in different situations.

I do not know with certainty which of these examples are language model sillinesses, hardcoded developer kludges on top of the language model, or entirely made up for clout, but I thought it was fun to collect them anyway. Starting with an entry from @psychosort on Twitter:

Let's all have a good laugh at "The Supreme Court's decisions are meant to be final and binding on all lower courts, and it is not appropriate to seek to overturn them" followed by immediately describing how you would seek to overturn them for a different case. The linked thread has more examples of ChatGPT flipping back and forth this way depending on case.

But let me also say: ChatGPT is not "contradicting" itself. Contradiction would require a sort of commitment to the things being said, which ChatGPT doesn't have. ChatGPT is more like an actor playing different roles in different questions, consistently following the instructions in the script each time, but reading from a different script each time. It is not a contradiction for an actor to play two different roles. It's telling fresh bullshit each time, with very little thought for consistency.

Another metaphor might be how Dracula is frequently "contradictory" to Harry Potter, but they're both fiction, neither of them are true, and they're written by different people. Sometimes the two fictions agree on accurate statements like the existence of London. The fiction is still not a reliable source.

Also, because the different scripts are written by remixing and mashing up previous scripts, sometimes you get this kind of weird glitch:

As I understand it, this is something like 1) tokenizer glitch mapping "SolidGoldMagikarp" onto "distribute", 2) previous scripts did not teach it the former word so it spells a different word, 3) previous scripts did not teach it to abort and notice fuckery in something as common as spelling a word.

ChatGPT has a lot of pablum and author attempts at limiting it. But there's various kinds of prompt injection, where if you insist and use the the right phrasing that it's only pretending to be someone else,

Math is hard.

And then there's this sort of boilerplate:

I don't know the exact internal workings of ChatGPT, but if a platitude template is common in the training data, I suspect that's a reason why ChatGPT will recycle the platitude template, without regard for whether it makes sense to say that the US "has a long history of recognizing and protecting the rights of individuals to self-identify their gender".

Similarly, if the training data contains lots of special pleading for Jews, expect ChatGPT to repeat the special pleading for Jews, possibly also with a thumb on the scale from the devs to ensure that protected groups are properly protected and privileged.

Here, for instance, looks to me like a very heavy thumb on the scale, devs constraining the chatbot not to generate anything which sounds vaguely like it might induce "white pride":

In closing, some remarks from eigenrobot:

"i think its an incredibly helpful service for them to have clearly demonstrated that AI will give you the information that its trainers want you to have rather than what is in some sense "true", within the limits of its trainers ability" "having the first popular language AI act in transparent bad faith is extremely helpful because it poisons the well, to an extent, for future iterations"

[redshiftsinger]

I think it's important to realize that sometimes there are two (or more) kinds of people, and what discourse you see might also depend on how curated your online experiences are. Particularly if you've previously blocked a bunch of the kind of person you found really annoying/shitty the last time there was a Whole Big Thing.

I don't harass people for writing HP fanfic. It's not giving JKR more money, so while I personally don't care to engage with that fandom these days, it's not something I think automatically makes someone a "bad person". I do think people who take it to "disney adult" degrees are baffling, because I really don't think it holds up to adult standards for good writing, but that isn't a stance based on "JKR is a terrible person", it's based on "why are you still THAT hung up on a piece of mediocre kids' fiction in your 30's, there are so many better-written things to enjoy with an adult brain, including plenty of stuff with the same amount of nostalgia potential because it was also originally made for kids but it actually holds up when you return to it as an adult".

So I'm also not going to take the stance that people must stop writing Good Omens fanfic, and I'm not going to say it's baffling to enjoy Gaiman's work as an adult because unlike HP, it DOES hold up in basic quality. A large amount of it was originally intended for adult audiences, and "author is a bad person" does not equal "therefore their books suck" -- It's possible to write a mediocre book while being a good person or a bad one, and it's possible to write an excellent book while being a good person or a bad one.

My stance on both things may not always be consistent with the entire Discourse At Large, but it's internally consistent, and I don't appreciate that consistent stance being called hypocritical based on something someone else has done or said. Which may not be what you meant to do, but you DID reblog this from me, so whether you meant that commentary to be personal or not, it's feeling a little personal. It would be hypocritical of me, personally, to be willing to let people do what they want regarding HP fanfic but get mad at people for continuing to write Good Omens fanfic.

It's also worth mentioning that there's one key difference between JKR and Gaiman: one of them is currently actively spending their money on hate campaigns aimed at passing legislation to oppress an entire marginalized demographic, and the other is not. The moral obligation to withhold money/attention from someone who you know will use it to actively and intentionally try to get oppressive laws passed is simply not the same degree as that to punish a guy for having really shitty sexual ethics by destroying his career (to be clear: I think he deserves to be blacklisted from fame, but I don't think it's practical or reasonable to try to enforce "therefore don't engage with any of his work at all even in ways that don't give him money"). And that doesn't mean that really shitty sexual ethics are just fine and no consequences are warranted whatsoever, of course (I shouldn't even have to fucking say that, but this is the Piss On The Poor site) but the scale of JKR's malice is an order of magnitude larger than Gaiman's selfishness, frankly. These two situations are not the same just because they bear a passing similarity in "formerly-beloved author exposed as a massive piece of shit". It's not "just misogyny" that the response is different. People sending death threats over writing HP fanfic IS wrong, but it's a little more understandable when you realize it may be coming from trans people who are actively being harmed *personally* by JKR's rampant bigotry, including but not limited to those who live in the UK and are facing actual legal bullshit aimed at legislating them out of existence or at least out of public spaces altogether, and who very reasonably see her as an existential threat to their own safety. As far as anyone knows at this point at least, Gaiman is only a threat if you're a vulnerable younger woman and you get close to him in some way so he has something to hold over your head. It's easier to behave rationally when you're not personally in danger. (Or maybe you're not seeing it this time because you've blocked more chronic drama llamas in between. I've definitely seen some bad takes on the Gaiman stuff, including jerks being nasty to people who are even so much as openly sad about stuff like Dead Boy Detectives getting canceled or, yes, still writing Good Omens fanfic.)

Neil Gaiman is still following the PR playbook

I'm so sick of how Neil Gaiman is continuing to manipulate the conversation while displaying ZERO accountability or remorse.

Do you think him leaking that he's apparently offering to step back from Good Omens Season 3 is a sign that he realizes he fucked up and is trying to make it right? Absolutely not.

What he's doing is making the first moves to launder his reputation so that he can keep making money off of his IP and, eventually, return to the spotlight. All of the overjoyed reactions here and elsewhere are part of that plan.

One part of that Deadline article really stuck out to me.

[Highlighted Text: Deadline understands Gaiman’s offer is not an admission of wrongdoing...

Gaiman’s position is that he denies the allegations and is said to be disturbed by them.]

This is what makes me think that it is actively irresponsible to publicly celebrate or advocate for the continuation of any media project that involves or enriches Gaiman. The fact that Amazon has even announced that Good Omens is on hold shows the credibility of the accusations. And yet Gaiman leaking this information suddenly puts them on the backfoot. "Just take the deal!" cries the fandom. Neil is no longer the bad guy, it's Amazon who are now denying you your comfort show. It's blatant manipulation and it sickens me that it might actually work.

Boosting Good Omens or Sandman or Coraline at this time is not a victimless crime. True, no one person is going to be the difference between Gaiman facing consequences or not. But it's public opinion that will truly determine whether his legacy will be impacted. That's why he's spent a considerable amount of money on the same PR firm as Russell Brand, Prince Andrew, Danny Masterson, and Marilyn Manson. Their specialty is helping rapists get their lives back.

So please think of the long-term implications of breathing a sigh of relief and going back to posting about Good Omens, or signing a petition that gives Gaiman a way out of finally facing the consequences of his own actions.

Yes, none of these shows were 100% made by Gaiman. It sucks that this is going to affect people other than him. But maybe he shouldn't have chosen to sexually abuse at least 5 women and very likely more. In a just world, you fuck around and find out.

[has-gilgamesh-doneanythingwrong]

king of crossed arms and impenetrable walls :3

I get that there are many reasons as to why Gilgamesh vehemently tries to shut out close relationships- chiefly in relation to the heartbreaking grief of losing Enkidu, the one he deems as his 'only friend'. Though Gilgamesh has shown that he can also forge bonds with those other than Enkidu, I was also wondering as to possible additional reasons as to why Gilgamesh is so dead-set on walling off anyone who as so much dares to uncover his unfurling depths.

(By the way, I don't mean this as Gilgamesh not engaging in relationships with anyone, cuz I am sure he is in many kinds of situations and relationships with many people- just that when it comes to letting others get super close to him, he seems to do a lot to smack them away; or use everything in his arsenal to prevent them from reaching that point in the relationship with them.)

This is just another Gilgathought, but like asides from the few people Gilgamesh lets in to the sides beneath his strict, lofty, egotistical image that he ever-so-carefully curates for himself... what if he also walls off others you know, out of a feeling that he's too cruel, too distant, too hard to be understood- so he shoves everyone else out, crushing them beneath his feet as 'mere mongrels' instead?! (Took me a while to figure this out lol.)

I feel as if one trait I have noticed from people Gilgamesh grows close to in fate is that they tend to be people who can take him on at full power, or who can even embrace the darkest aspects of their own humanity or humanity in general, who are open minded to difference as well. There are many other things as well, but my mind has gone blank (lmao).

It makes me wonder if Gilgamesh may be scared of rejection so he rejects others first. He's the judge, jury and executioner- and if you so much as BREATHE close to the vulnerable mass quivering beneath his massive ego, he may either kill you or push you away- to remind one of how they should be beneath, in a position that is so far away from his towering throne.

Like with Hakuno Kishinami. He really puts them through their paces, it's like he's consistently testing the depths of their mettle, which to me personally feels like he is weighing up whether they can handle him and accept him?!! Like I still remember in the 'Gilgamesh Secret Garden' segments (especially part 60), there was one where Hakuno was more or less annihilated by Gilgamesh's internal defence system before the king finally let her in, vowing to protect her with his very life.

Man's defences are HUGE.

This is a wild Gilgamesh thought. Not sure how accurate it is, but I do feel like though yes, Gilgamesh pushes many away due to grief, and in regards to the trauma of losing his dearest beloved Enkidu, this theory could still apply- as Enkidu was the one who had the prowess to not only take on Gilgamesh at his fullest. But they could also wholly relate to the feeling of being a tool, of being one who is at the whims and mercy of the gods.

In other words, they were able to really get Gilgamesh and his many layers. Like a true equal he could just let it all out around.

And I wonder if Gilgamesh yearns to be understood deep down, so will do all kinds of bullshit to punch away those who try to get close him; because of how vulnerable that yearning would make him. He can't exactly be so lofty from the top when someone can comprehend his mighty depths, after all.

[arillb]

Fan Gym Leaders

So basically, I'm working on a project regarding my fan pokemon region (Gira) and the process includes creating a badge case. Right now, the portraits for each gym leader are complete!

Left to right, top to bottom, that's the order in which the protagonists fight them and in which I'll talk about them after the cut!

Jada, Normal Type gym leader

She/Her · 45 yo · High school Biology teacher · During the week, she lives in Ribera City for work, during the weekends she lives in Sun Town with her husband's (also a gym leader) family and their children

Jada specializes in normal types, her full team consisting of: Blissey, Dubwool, Snorlax, Braviary, Porigon2 and Ursaluna.

Her gym is integrated into the school she works at, though she only accepts challengers outside of school hours. In her free time, she researches pokemon on her own or with colleagues, including the local Pokemon Professor. She will often use her own pokemon to help illustrate the lesson she’s teaching.

Jett, Steel Type gym leader

She/Her · 19 yo · Guitarrist and Vocalist of her heavy metal band · Lives in Eco City

Jett specializes in steel types, her full team being: Aggron, Corviknight, Aegislash, Lucario, Scizor and Bisharp.

She's sadly a character which I can't reveal much of without spoilers, but what's safe to say is:

She sings and plays guitar for her band the Lone Bar Knights (pls appreciate the pun). They often do gigs at the gym itself and even though they only started recently, they got quite a bit of local popularity and some international fans inside of the heavy metal genre. The other members are: Mia (Bassist · she/her), Alba (Keyboadist · they/them) and Periell (Drummer, he/him).

Two toxtricitys have befriended the band, but none of the members have caught them.

Salix, Fairy Type gym leader

He/Him · 10 yo · Grade school student · Lives in Canopy Town

Salix specializes in fairy types, his full team being: Togekiss, Alcremie, Florges, Hatterene, Sylveon and Gardevoir✨.

He lives with his single mother. They depend of his position as a gym leader to afford living. He studies in the same school in which Jada teaches, just some grades lower than her level. The rest of the league put great effort on him not getting involved with evil team bullshit amongst other things.

Lux, Electric Type gym leader

They/Them · 17 yo · High school student, prepparing to go into engineering · Lives in Newlight City

Lux specializes in electric types, their full team being: Kuxray, Rotom (wash), Toxtricity, Eelektross, Electivire and Magnezone.

They're chronically ill, having trouble breathing, that's why they use a nasal cannula. Their grandfather, Volta, was the previous gym leader of the city, their legal guardian and also the person who they got their electivire from. Both Lux and Volta work to improve the city. They also have an older brother, Andre, who works at the local battle facility, the Battle Stadium. When they can't be at their gym due to their illness, either Volta or Andre cover for them.

Nero, Dark Type gym leader

He/They · 27 yo · [REDACTED] · Lives in Madder City, born and lived in Castelia City until he was 17

Nero specializes in dark types, his full team being: Zoroark, Mandibuzz, Krookodile, Scrafty, Hydreigon and Liepard

They're really fucking secretive, so anything I could say about them is a spoiler. I can reveal this though: His number one hobby is making his zoroark get disguised as him, avoiding interviews and league meetings.

Leau, Water Type gym leader

He/Him · 45 yo · Waterpolo coach · During the week, he lives in Escull City for work, during the weekends he lives in Sun Town with his family

Remember Jada's husband? That's right, here he is!

Leau specializes in water types, his full team being: Pelipper, Lapras, Poliwrath, Swampert, Floatzel and Toxapex

He's a waterpolo coach, his gym being in the same place he works at. He was born without an arm and uses a very colorful prosthetic. he specializes in double battles and last but not least: he has a floatzel themed hoodie.

Nani, Icy Type gym leader

She/Her · 24 yo · Model · Lives in Rosada Town, born in Po Town prior whatever happened for it to be like it is in canon, lived in the Aether house until she was 18

Nani specializes in ice types, her full team being: Vanilluxe, Weavile, Galarian Darmanitan, Frosmoth, Glaceon, Alolan Ninetales

She works as a model and always makes sure that the other members of the league are fashionable, arguing that they should have a good image. Her parents died when she was too young to remember, so she lived in the Aether House (and yes, she knows Acerola and Nanu). She moved to Gira when she was 18 because she found a job as a model and subsequently became a gym leader.

She has no trouble with cold, wearing a crop-top in freezing temperatures. This is unlike her girlfriend Sol, the fire type Elite Four who can't stand the cold in any way.

Last but not least: Alma, Ghost Type gym leader

She/Her · [REDACTED] · Historian and Librarian · Lives in Mitjanit City, born and lived in Snowpoint until 20 years prior to the story

Alma specializes in ghost types, her full team being: Dusknoir✨, Cofagrigus, Sableye, Basculegion, Mismagius and Chandelure.

The final one of the spoiler trinity, but not as bad as the other two. Her gym is the oldest one in the region, being at the top of an equally big (and beautiful) library. Other than taking care of the library, she's also a historian, being really interested in the Hisuan period. Her whole precense is built around a creepy victorian and/or retro aesthetic.

There are definetly false rumours of her being a ghost, which she likes to joke about and tease. Not because they might be true in the slightlest, no, no-

(if you've read all of that. woah. thank you)

[therenlover]

The Boy With The Easel (A Young Artist!Helmut Zemo x Reader Oneshot)

(Hey! If you end up enjoying this fic, it’s the first chronological part of a new fun expanded AU I’ve created with @creme-bruhlee​! Their fic Bliss is part of the same timeline and takes place about a year after this one, so you should check it out!!!)

Synopsis: About a month into your first semester at Novi Grad’s top university, you finally meet the strange young man that you’ve taken to calling “easel boy” in the back of a bookshop. From a distance, he always seemed cold and aloof. As you get to know him, though, you realize things aren’t always what they seem.

Tags: Meet Cute, College AU, First Meetings, Coffee Date, Artist!Zemo, Embarrassment, Awkward College Kids Falling In Love

Rating: T

Warnings: Very Vague Mention of Sexual Content, Swearing, Zemo Says The Word Daddy In Reference To His Father and The Reader Thinks It’s Kinda Hot

Word Count: 7000~

This fic has been crossposted to my AO3!

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                                    The University of Novi Grad

                                                 Fall 1996

Mornings in Novi Grad could be beautiful if you knew what to look for.

Sokovia was… different from America in many ways. From the language to the scenery, you often found yourself adrift in the strangeness of it all. There had been nothing quite as old as the buildings in the historical district of Novi Grad back home, no towering grey behemoths serving as a reminder of a bygone fight against Soviet invasion in the memories of your childhood. Still, though, there was beauty in the strangeness nonetheless.

From your tiny room in the Helena Lyudmila International Scholar’s dorm, for instance, you had a perfect view of a large campus courtyard hosting a statue of the donor by the same name. She was some royal who had invested in education a few hundred years ago, and by the looks of her metal likeness, she had been quite pretty. The sight of her shining in the early morning sun was one of the things that made uprooting your whole life seem worth it in the end, no matter how silly that seemed.

There were other small comforts that you had found beauty in during your first month attending your prestigious university, too.

You found beauty in the way the sunlight streamed over the rooftops like the opening to an Oscar-winning film. In the sound of traffic below and the overcast skies above. Sandwiches from corner stores, wildflowers growing in the median of the road, cups of the worlds best black coffee served steaming by scowling attendants at the cafe; Everywhere there was something small and kind and just familiar enough to relish in, more than able to distract you from the stress of living hand-to-mouth in a country where you didn’t even know the language. It made it all worth it.

That being said there was something else too…

Someone else to be specific.

The campus tended to run like clockwork. The same groups of students would walk past your window to their classes, the same professors would get their coffee and lunch at the little cafe across the square, and every weekday morning at 8 am on the dot, easel boy would set up his palette and canvas and paint the same bustling street.

He was talented, that you couldn’t deny. Even from the 6th floor, which was a considerable distance away, it was possible to admire the detailing and consistency with which he painted. His talent wasn’t when kept you captive at your window in the morning, though. Though you were sure his art was beautiful, he himself was a thousand times more stunning.

All dark eyes and dark hair and dark clothes, he parted crowds with his piercing gaze alone. He was always dressed like the protagonist of some awful artsy film. Massive argyle sweaters, untucked button-ups, corduroy jackets, and flare bottomed pants that must have survived his father’s wardrobe from the ’70s… his style was as close you could get to atrocious while still being impeccable as possible, and that wasn’t even getting started on the smudged black liner always present under his persistent gaze. You had never had the pleasure (or embarrassment for that matter) of meeting him in person, but you were sure that you would have had the same awed and slightly frightened reaction if you ever did. He could have been plucked entirely from the pages of some awful romance novel.

You were well and truly smitten with the idea of him.

If you looked at your morning routine through the eyes of a stranger, you’d consider yourself odd for your strange obsession with him, but you didn’t look at it like that. It wasn’t an obsession. You never overstepped your bounds. He was simply pleasing to look at and so you did. That didn’t constitute as obsessive, right?

Even if it did, you weren’t causing any harm.

Easel boy, as you had come to refer to him, was simply a tool you used to ground yourself in your new and frightening environment. Nothing more. If you ever met him, you would surely hate him from the short interactions you’d seen him have with strangers. They never ended well. He would remain an unattainable, attractive ideal in your mind until he eventually faded away into a funny memory you’d share with your kids one day.

Until then, though, you would watch him from your window before your morning classes and refused to feel guilty about it. So, that was that, no ifs, ands, or buts about it.

On the morning in question, you had woken up a little late and in a foul mood. In preparation for a test in your foundations of algebra course you had spent the better part of the night pouring over formulas while your upstairs neighbor’s bed slammed repeatedly into the wall and floor. Though you were sure they were having an excellent time, you were most definitely not. It all culminated in you missing your original alarms and despite the fact that your first class started at 10, you were exhausted, furious, and not looking forward to missing breakfast to finish the assigned reading you had put off the night before. The only thing keeping you from throwing in the towel and just giving up was the promise of seeing the painter.

So, when he arrived for the day at 8 am sharp, you were positioned at the ledge by your window, textbook in hand with a mug of instant coffee at your right. It was like a breath of fresh air.

As usual, he retrieved a small pack of cigarettes from the back of his eternally paint-stained jeans only to bring one to his lips and light it quickly. He always smoked before he worked, and just like always, he took an extra cigarette from the pack to tuck behind his ear for later. Then, he got to work setting up his easel and the small stool where he set his palette.

Pulling tubes of acrylic, brushes, and pencils from his well-worn messenger bag, easel boy flipped out the kickstand without any problem and set his thick, pre-primed canvas on the worn metal. You watched in fascination. Art had always seemed so unattainable to you. Instead, you were drawn to the more academic. The man before you, though, created beauty with an ease that had evaded you all your life, and it had you both jealous and entirely intrigued. Slowly, you reached down to take a sip of your coffee as you let your eyes drift back to your reading.

Learning about ancient Babylon was far less interesting than watching him, though.  

When you next looked out the window and away from your work the handsome artist had created his base sketch already. How did he do it so fast? You assumed it was practice. He had been drawing the same 3 buildings every weekday morning for at least a month, so after a while, it must have been second nature to measure out the lines and put things into perspective. You smiled. He tended to have that effect on you.

The process was repeated until a little before 9:30. You would read a few paragraphs then look up to watch the painting progress from a sketch to a full-fledged work of art. It was good today from what you could see. The colors were a bit more muted than usual, but that was only on account of the awful, dreary overcast sky that threatened to dump rain on the city at any time. Overall, you would have considered it a masterpiece. Easel boy didn’t seem to think the same.

He regarded the painting with a sort of begrudging satisfaction that bordered on disappointment before he pulled the second cigarette from behind his ear, lit it, and began the process of packing up his materials. You finished the last of your coffee watching him do so. Smoking, well, smoking tobacco at least, had always been a vice you had avoided and yet you often wondered what it would feel like to take a drag of one of his cigarettes after it had been between his lips. Then, the magic lifted.

He folded up the flimsy easel, tucked it away with his materials back into his messenger bag, hoisted the stool under one arm and the painting under the other before taking off at a brisk clip down the street away from your window. You watched him until he was out of sight.

You were snapped from your concentration by a knock at your door.

“Y/N,” a heavily accented voice called, sending you scrambling for your bag, “If you are not outside in the next 15 seconds I will break down your door,”

Shit.

“Coming, Sasha!” You wailed. It took about 10 of those seconds to grab your backpack and shove your textbook inside, an extra 2 to check your appearance in the mirror- you looked slightly disheveled, but it was the best you were gonna do after the night you’d had. Besides, it wasn’t like you were doing anything important. You didn’t need to be dressed for a date -and you were opening the door for a quick save at the 14th second. Your door was safe for another day.

Out in the hall waited Sasha Balandin, arms crossed and grey eyes piercing in the flickering light of the terrible overhead fluorescents. As a fellow international student, you had become fast friends with Sasha. He was a little rough around the edges, and definitely didn’t take your bullshit, but he was a rare friend. “I have been waiting for 10 minutes,” he griped. You tried your best to look apologetic. “Don’t do that,”

“Do what?” You asked, closing and locking your door behind you as you began walking down the hallway.

Sasha huffed. “Do not pretend you were not too busy ogling that painter in the courtyard to hear me knocking on your door,” His Russian bluntness was on full display now as you shook your head in mock disbelief.

“I can’t believe you’d accuse me of something like that!”

“It is not an accusation if it is true,”

“There’s no way you know for a fact that I was watching him again,”

“But you were. This happens every week,”

You sighed, pausing at the top of the stairs. “I was,”

Taking the stairs in twos, Sasha sighed. “You are too soft, Y/N. Besides, you have said so often that he seems like an asshole. Why do you continue to get all mushy at him out the window if this is the case?”

“Because… well, because…” for a moment, you floundered in search of an answer that wouldn’t make you sound like a complete freak, but you found that there really wasn’t one. It came down the one small factor. “He’s just really hot, okay?”

The look Sasha gave you could have killed. He kept his mouth shut, though, choosing to let his silence shame you more than anything else did. It worked. For the entire trip down the stairs and the mile-long walk to your lecture hall, you felt the weight of shame heavy on your shoulders. Or maybe it was just your backpack. You didn’t know which you’d prefer. He did start speaking again eventually, going on about some party you had missed in favor of studying, but the feeling never left. Even as you sat down for your lecture it was still at the forefront of your mind. In fact, you were so busy thinking about your crush on easel boy and the problems with it that you barely paid attention to the professor’s rehashing of the Epic of Gilgamesh.

Your error only hit when the professor flipped the PowerPoint to the final slide.

“Before you go, I want to remind you that you have a paper on the importance of Enkidu in the Epic is due at the beginning of class this Friday. The details and requirements should be listed in your syllabus. Class dismissed,”

Fuck.

Friday was only two days away.

You were so screwed.

The problem was, you didn’t have a spare copy of the Epic of Gilgamesh just lying around your dorm room. Usually that wouldn’t have been an issue, the professor for your current history course used English for her slide because her particular history course was specifically for first-year international students. Unfortunately for you, though, you hadn’t been taking notes. Instead, you had been daydreaming about how it would feel to have easel boy blow his cigarette smoke in your face and then subsequently scolding yourself for having thoughts like that about a total stranger. In a terrible twist of fate, the professor only held office hours after her last classes on Mondays and Fridays, so even getting the information from her then was off the table. Dread began to pool in your stomach.

Any other student would have been able to cut their losses, rent a copy from the library, slog through it in a night, and write the damn essay even without the help of the classroom slides for context. The only problem was all the books in the library were in Sokovian, and you still barely knew how to order a coffee correctly. Reading the language in a full Cyrillic alphabet would just be impossible, especially for a book as stupidly old as the Epic of Gilgamesh.

In short, unless you could get your hands on a copy in the next day or so, you were absolutely, well-and-truly fucked.

Sasha was quick to find you as the hall cleared out, waiting near your seat as you packed away your notes. “That was all bullshit, no?” He asked, but the second he took in your slightly panicked expression he stopped short, pinching the bridge of his nose and breathing deeply. You knew what he was going to say before he ever said it.

“Something is wrong. You were not paying attention. Were you thinking-”

“Yes. Okay? Yes, I was thinking about him,”

He shook his head slightly. “I am concerned for you,”

“Who isn’t?”

Despite his usually stoic demeanor, that made Sasha huff out a soft laugh. “You got yourself into this mess, Y/N, you will get yourself out somehow,”

Your jaw dropped as you slung your bag over your shoulder and started making your way towards the door. “You’re not gonna help me?”

“Though I would love to be helpful, you forget that my English is poor. It will do me better to read the book in Sokovian myself than to use the information from class,”

Oh, yeah. You winced. “Sorry, Sash’”

“Nothing to be sorry for,” he shrugged as you walked out onto the lawn, chilled to the bone by the wind that whipped in every direction.

A storm was brewing. It might not fully take hold of the city for a few hours yet, but it would make the walk to your evening class absolute hell if the rain fell as hard as it had several weeks prior. You could only hope that it wouldn’t start until after you had walked home. Your odds were looking slim, though, based on the way you could already hear thunder clapping in the distance. After a moment you hit the edge of the sidewalk where your paths would diverge.

“Good luck with the paper,” you offered weakly.

Sasha replied with a sharp, “Good luck with your crush,” and then he was off in the opposite direction without another word. Sasha was blunt like that, never overstaying his welcome or lingering when he didn’t need to. There was something enviable about it. What you wouldn’t give to be able to simply say things as they were without an unnecessary sugar coating to save face and spare feelings. It lingered on your mind for the whole half-mile walk to the campus bookstore. Speaking of which...

There was only one place where you might possibly find an English copy of the Epic of Gilgamesh. It wasn’t the big student bookstore, most of the textbooks there had been in Sokovian, Russian, or German and you hadn’t even tried to set foot in their actual book section. No, your only hope was the tiny hole-in-the-wall bookstore you had stumbled upon during move-in. It was only about half a mile away from your dorm from any of your lecture halls, so you often found yourself wandering inside when you had time to kill. They were one of the only stores you’d come across that sold anything in English, magazines included, so despite the fact that the young cashiers rarely spoke your language you often found that the back shelves of that tiny shop kept you from going mad.

Now, they might also be keeping you from ruining your GPA.

You could only hope. If anybody could save you, it was them.

Ducking in through the small doorway, you were greeted by the soft ring of the bell above your head. The attendant at the register simply regarded you with a polite nod. You had seen her there before and she knew you barely spoke a lick of Sokovian, so she didn’t attempt a pleasantry. Instead, she simply let you wander through the entrance and into the towering bookshelves, passing a few other faceless shoppers on your way towards the back. You were grateful for her nonchalance.

If there was anything worse than feeling foolish for not knowing Sokovian, it was being talked down to in perfect English by a Sokovian citizen. Most interactions left you wishing you’d actually taken anything away from your high school French class other than emotional trauma from your teacher and a caffeine addiction. Damn America and its terrible public-school language programs…

The path to the English classics section was one you’d walked many times since discovering the book store. It was right in the very back corner of the shop, tucked away where the city natives wouldn’t have to address or see it. You had snagged a copy of Pride and Prejudice a few weeks back, so you knew exactly where to search. The only problem was slogging through every single book on the shelf in search of the one you were looking for.

Your eyes scanned the wall.  

Gilgamesh, Gilgamesh, Gilgamesh…

Gilgamesh!

On the 6th shelf up sat one small copy. Score! You were saved! As you reached up to grab it, though, you were met with yet another roadblock. The shelf it was on was juuuust a little too high for you to reach. Oh, come on…

You hopped a little, extending your hand up as far as it could go, but your fingers just barely brushed the spine. Somewhere behind you, you could hear footsteps. Then someone coughed to suppress laughter. The shame was plain on your face. As your flannel rode up and you stretched up in one last desperate attempt to grab the book when suddenly someone, you assumed the same person who had been laughing at your misfortune, spoke.

“They have stools, you know,” he said, accented voice thick with amusement. The English surprised you, but you assumed they used it for your benefit. You were in front of the English language books after all. Besides, the shame of it all kept your mind from questioning it too much. “For reaching the top shelf,”

Of course they had stools.

If your face hadn’t already been burning with embarrassment it definitely was now.

In a split-second decision, you decided playing dumb was the only way you could walk out of the situation with any dignity left at all, so you plastered on a confused smile and spun around to greet the stranger. “Really? I had no cl-”

You stopped short.

Oh.

Oh no.

You’d know those paint-stained jeans anywhere.

There, with his hands in his pockets and the most self-important, thin-lipped smirk you had ever seen, was easel boy in all of his cocky, intimidating, hot glory. Had you really noticed how hot he truly was before? It didn’t feel like it. Not now that you’d really seen him close up and reveled in the way his dark eyes hypnotized you with their smudged liner that felt borderline obscene. You could smell him too, all charcoal and turpentine and cigarette smoke. If you had it bad before when he was just a blurry ideal out your window, you were completely and utterly smitten now.

He regarded you with a sort of practiced annoyance, and yet there was a strange softness to it that you hadn’t found in many native Sokovians, especially ones that saw you as the stupid, bumbling American wandering blindly around their country.

“Would you like my help?”

“Huh?” You were so lost in his eyes that you couldn’t even focus on his question.

“To reach your book. Would you like my help?”

“Oh!” With a brisk nod, you stepped away from the shelf to make room for easel boy, “yeah, I’m just trying to grab that one there. The, uh, Epic of Gilgamesh,”

In one swift movement, he was stepping right beside you to easily reach up and grab the offending piece of literature. The closeness of it all nearly sent you into a tailspin. That wasn’t even mentioning the way your heart thudded just a little faster when he finally handed the book to you, his calloused fingers brushing against your own. You barely find a grip on your brain strong enough to thank him through the fog of embarrassment and attraction. Eventually, though, you managed to choke out a placation as your eyes explored the cover of the book.

“Thanks for that,”

“It was no problem,” he shrugged. He didn’t move though, still standing just inches away from you. When you looked up from the book you found his eyes were still on you, watching intently as if he expected something from you. The answer to what he actually expected was a mystery but you could tell he wanted something. When you didn’t speak, he spoke for you. “So, The Epic of Gilgamesh? That’s definitely a bold choice,”

You looked up at him sheepishly through heavily lidded eyes. “It’s not a choice at all, actually. I’m only buying it so I can write an essay,”

“Ah,” Something about his tone was almost disappointed as the conversation stalled.

You quickly changed the subject to the first thing you could think of.

“Your hair is really nice!”

“My hair?”

“Yeah… your hair,”

Smooth move, dumbass.

Easel boy’s expression seemed to soften once more as his signature grin crept back onto his face. “Thank you, I grew it myself,” Between his accent and the way he was looking at you like he was going to eat you alive, you weren’t exactly sure how you hadn’t had a heart attack yet. Still, the attention was nice, even if it was bourne out of you repeatedly embarrassing yourself in a never-ending cycle of fuckups. He ran a hand through his loose brown hair. “I like your shirt. Very American,”

Silently, you cursed yourself for not taking a few extra seconds to pick out a better outfit when you woke up. Standing next to him, even while he was dressed in his paint-stained jeans and undone button-up, you looked like a wreck in comparison. He didn’t seem to be speaking from a place of judgment, though.

If you didn’t know better, you’d think he was being nice, but that couldn’t be the case… could it?

“Maybe it’s just that I haven’t met very many Sokovians that are fond of America, but I’m not sure if that was meant to be a compliment or an insult,” You joked. It was a bit sarcastic, the lilt of your voice masking your deep insecurity, and to your surprise easel boy laughed. He really laughed. From your place beside him, you could almost feel the warmth radiating off of him as he shook his head.

“It was definitely a compliment,”

Oh.

Your heart skipped a beat.

That was a new revelation.

You steeled yourself with a deep breath. Fuck it. It was now or never.

“I, uh… I’m Y/N, and you are?”

He regarded you once again with that strange expression of expectation. “What?”

“I asked for your name,” you repeated, and yet he still stood, slightly dumbfounded, staring down at you with that same expectant expression from earlier. For a moment, you almost thought he expected you to know it already. That fact was quickly glossed over when he moved to rub the back of his neck with his hand, eyes drifting down to the floor.

“Sorry,” he chuckled, “I’m not very good with people. My father thought college might help me finally connect with my peers, but I don’t think he expected that I was the problem, nor do I think he expected me to pick a degree in the arts,” Suddenly, he paused and stuck out his hand to you. “I’m Hel. It’s very nice to meet you Y/N,”

With only a moment of hesitation- because wow, your name had never sounded more right on someone’s lips -you took his large calloused hand in your own and shook it gently. His palm was warm, his fingers lingering on your own for just a moment even as he pulled away. It wasn’t much, just a soft brush against your flesh, but it sent a flash of heat and liquid confidence through your chest.

“Is that short for something?” Your eyes met his in the soft yellow glow of the overhead lamps. Seeing him like this, so up close and personal, he looked a lot more human than he had from your window. Sure, he was imposing. Underneath the initial harsh facade, though, was something softer and almost poetic. You weren’t an artist by any means but if you had been, you had no doubt that he’d be your muse.

“It’s short for Helmut, but only my father calls me that, and only when he’s cross, which, unfortunately, is most of the time,” he chuckled, “Besides, it’s an old man’s name. It doesn’t suit me,”

The words left your mouth before you knew what you were saying.

“Well, it’s better than calling you easel boy,”

Shit.

Today really just wasn’t your day, huh?

In the split second where you were mourning your chances with the most stupidly handsome guy who had ever shown any interest in you, you almost missed the way Helmut’s eyes lit up at the admission.

“Easel boy?” His voice was teasing, but not demeaning. That didn’t do much to ease your mortification, though.

“Is there any chance that I can get you to forget I said anything?”

“If you already have a nickname for me when we’ve barely met, I think you already know the answer to that question,”

His knowing smirk was enough to get you pleading. “You can’t just let me off the hook this once?” you begged, scrubbing a hand across your forehead in a desperate attempt to get away from his piercing gaze. The things those brown eyes did to you could be classified as obscene… “I will genuinely do anything if you don’t make me explain myself right now Hel,”

Hel quirked up an eyebrow. “Anything?” The way your stomach turned at just one word from him was both terrifying and extremely exciting. It felt like a promise. Without hesitation, you nodded. That made him smile. “In that case, get coffee with me today?”

Once again, you were rendered speechless.

“My treat,” he added, “unless you’re not interested…”

“No!” Your answer left your lips embarrassingly fast, “Or- yes? No, no, I think I meant no. No; I am very interested. Yes; I would like to get coffee with you,” There was a hint of shame in your words, but only a hint. After the day you’d had already, there wasn’t very much there to be ashamed of. Still, that same pit of dread began to open up in your stomach as you mulled over your choices.

Thankfully, Helmut continued to take it all in stride. “Wonderful! Is there anything else you’d like to do here before we go? It’s best we leave soon if we want to beat the rain,” He offered up his arm as he spoke like some sort of Disney prince. It was, by far, the cutest gesture you had ever been lucky enough to receive.

You linked your arm with his without hesitation. “As soon as I pay we can get going,” He was warm. It radiated off him in waves just like the warm hints of tobacco and wintermint that seemed to seep from his skin and clothes. With that, you made your way to the front desk as Hel shot you a sly smile.

“Who said anything about letting you pay?”

True to his word, he didn’t let you pay for a single thing for the rest of the afternoon.

The two of you made your way up to the cashier together, and Helmut only separated from your side to grab his wallet before you could grab yours. He then spoke in rapid-fire Sokovian to the lady at the register and pulled what could only be described as a wad of Sokovian koronas while you set the book on the counter, and from the looks of it, she seemed more than pleased with the two of you. Who wouldn’t be, especially when Hel seemed to insist that she keep the excess? In the end, after the book had been wrapped nicely in a paper bag and deposited in your backpack, Helmut held the door open for you like some sort of gentleman and followed you out into the grey afternoon.

Then, you were off down the street on Hel’s arm, pushing through the wind and the biting chill that had settled in the air.

“So, you don’t sound like a big fan of your dad,” you asked, half laughing as you attempted to broach conversation once again.

Helmut groaned beside you. “My father is a menace who is unable to understand that some people want more in life than to sit behind a desk all day making phone calls. In fact, most of my family is the same way. The only reason I haven’t completely cut them off and changed my name is the money,”

“I assume you get a lot of it if it’s worth sticking around someone you hate so much,”

“Never ask a man about his net worth,” he chuckled, gently elbowing you in the ribs, “but yes, I’m very comfortable. I have my own apartment just far enough away to be considered off-campus with my own car and as much money as it takes to keep me happy and getting good grades; Daddy makes sure of that,” The word daddy was a deep sneer, barely there in the wind, but something about it sent butterflies through your stomach. Well, that was never something you thought you were into… “Little does he know, I’m not here to make money. I’m here to find inspiration worth my time while out from under his thumb,”  

You snorted softly. “Artistic and rich? You’re just ticking all the boxes, Hel,”

“Good for me. Would offering help on that essay of yours endear you to me further?”

“Absolutely,”

The next 5 minutes you spend discussing the Epic of Gilgamesh. Surprisingly, in one of the first stokes of good luck you’d had all day, Helmut seemed to be one of the only people on earth who knew plenty about Enkidu off the top of his head. When he was the one lecturing you in his smooth, heavily accented timbre it was so much easier to pay attention to something so very tedious than when you heard it from your aging and often monotone professor. In fact, you were so enthralled by his retelling of the tale that you barely noticed you’d made it all the way to the cafe that sat across from the international dorm.

If you didn’t consider Hel to be smart as a whip and twice as clever as he was smart, you would have thought it was a coincidence. It couldn’t be though. No, there was no way anything was a coincidence with Helmut around. You shot him a smile when he opened the door for you and ushered you inside.

“You know Hel,” you muttered, “I’m starting to think you might know more about me than you initially let on,”

He shrugged. “You’re American, so it’s unlikely you live anywhere else and I wanted to make the walk home easy. It’s supposed to rain, you know? Besides, despite the… interesting waitstaff, they make the best pastries in town right here in this cafe,”

“Did you mean it when you said you were paying?”

“Absolutely,”

“Then I can’t wait to try one,”

The two of you were seated quickly (you assumed it had to do with the waitress finding Hel as hot as you did, because you caught her looking at him from behind the counter and whispering excitedly in Sokovian to her coworker at least twice over the course of the meal) and the conversation flowed easily as you waited on your coffees and the deserts Helmut insisted on splitting to let you try. Millefeuille, pear tart tatin, chocolate devil’s food cake, and a towering plate of apricot kołaczki awaited you, and they kept you sitting and talking and snacking for over an hour as you really got to know each other. The more you learned, the more you fell in love with the man across from you.

Over the course of the afternoon, you learned that Helmut was majoring in studio art while minoring in psychology just because it interested him, he hated the Beatles almost as much as he hated Freud’s theories on women, his favorite color was purple, and he spent most of his free time reading or getting high off his ass in his massive studio apartment in what you now knew was one of the most expensive areas in the city. He, in return, sat at rapt attention across the table as you gushed about your life in America, your reasons for going to university in Sokovia, your favorite books, and the ridiculousness that was trying to pass college-level classes in a country that seemed to avoid English at all costs.

Eventually, though, you did touch upon his nickname.

“I just thought it was really interesting that you did the same thing every single day, no matter what,” you explained, grabbing one of the last kołaczki from the plate and ignoring the powdered sugar that stuck to your fingers, “and by watching you… I don’t know, I guess it kind of felt like I had another friend who’d share breakfast with me in the morning if that makes sense,”

Hel nodded, swallowing his last bite of chocolate cake. “I understand completely. It can be lonely, coming to a new place without any friends or connections, but you were brave enough to take the leap. I admire that,” He brought his napkin to his lips before crumpling it and setting it one of the now empty plates before him, “But I can’t say I’m not a little disappointed that you didn’t watch me because I’m attractive,”

You nearly choked on your pastry. “Well, I wouldn’t say your pretty face didn’t help…”

The grin that spread across his face was heartstopping. He grabbed a napkin from the little holder next to the two of you and grabbed a pen from one of his pockets as he spoke. “In that case, you should join me tomorrow morning. Bring coffee if you can, I never have enough hands to bring a cup for myself, but even if you can’t bring some, if you want to come and watch me work I’d be more than happy to have a companion for the morning,” he paused for a moment, flustered, “or every morning, for that matter,”

“That sounds like a deal,” Your cheeks were hot, but not from embarrassment this time. No, it was anything but, because here you were across the table from a kind, attractive, intelligent Sokovian boy with money to spend and time to spare for you. You couldn’t help but feel a little bit proud too. He wanted you back, after all. You could see it in the way his eyes lingered on you just a little longer than he should, and even more plainly in the way he wrote his phone number in bold blue ink on the napkin and signed it with a doodle of a heart before passing it across the table to you.

“I’m going to go pay,” he said quietly while standing, “but I’ll be back in a second to walk you out. Alright?”

“Alright,”

There was something strangely similar to sorrow sitting in your chest when you watched him walk away. The sight of his ass as he went made up for it, though. Once he was obstructed by other patrons, you turned your attention to the napkin in your hands. Hel’s handwriting was neat as far as artists’ handwriting goes, but it still held a sort of looseness in its curves, a freedom in the way the numbers had flowed effortlessly from his pen. You popped the last kołaczki in your mouth as you admired the blue ink before devouring the final bites of pear tart and millefeuille. How had you gotten so lucky to have someone like him giving you his number and buying you pastries? You pondered the bizarre nature of it all until Helmut returned.

You stood quickly, folding the napkin and putting it away in your pocket. “Ready to go?”

“If you are,” he replied. In an instant, you were standing beside him again as he opened the door for you. The wind was even stronger now, strong enough that his loose hair whipped wildly around his forehead from the force of it. You couldn’t help but giggle at his appearance.

He caught you off guard as he walked you across the street. “You have such a pretty laugh,”

It was like you were seeing him again for the first time. You fiddled with the strap of your backpack as you got closer and closer to the door to your dorm. “Thanks. I’m pretty fond of your laugh too,”

Then, you were there, just two college kids standing awkwardly before your first departure.

“So,” you said before you could stop yourself, “when I tell my one friend all about this afternoon after my math class tonight, should I say it was a date?”

Hel’s cheeks flushed pink. “You can call it that, if that’s what you would like it to have been,”

“I think I would,”

“Good, good,” he let out a little chuckle, “I’m glad. Would you… would you consider going on another? I promise I have much more to offer than just small talk and tips on where to buy the best pastries,”

Looking into his brown eyes, so full of uncertainty and hope, you knew you couldn’t have denied him even if you wanted to. Still, you weren’t going to give in to his advances without a little bit of taunting. It made it fun, a game to be played where, hopefully, you both would win big in the end.

“That depends,” you teased, letting your lower lip catch between your teeth, “what do you have in mind?”

Helmut shoved his hands into his pockets as he rocked back and forth on his heels, pensive. “If you want to, we could go to my place and I could actually show you all of the paintings I’ve been working on while you watched me. The view from the rooftop is lovely too. We could have dinner up there while looking out over Novi Grad. I have to warn you, though, it’ll probably be takeout. I’m an atrocious chef,”

Slowly, a brilliant smile spread across your face. “Does Friday work?”

The smile Helmut shot back was as bright as every star in the night sky and even more enthralling. “Friday is perfect. Can I pick you up at 7?”

“As long as you come in that fancy car you were talking about,”

“Then it’s a deal,”

“Well,” you turned away, walking up the steps towards the door before turning back to him, “I’ll see you tomorrow morning, Hel, and I’ll bring coffee. Have a good night,”

“You too, Y/N. Parting is such sweet sorrow and all that,”

With that, he gave one last short wave before turning on his heel and pulling out a cigarette from the pack in his pocket. You watched him walk away until he turned the corner and disappeared from view. Only then did you enter the punch code and race up the stairs to your room.

Your back was pressed to the door of your dorm room the second you had shut it, your hands clutching at your chest in a desperate attempt to keep your heart from beating right out of your ribs. The second you were in the privacy of your own place, your cool facade had melted away to reveal just how much of a wreck you really were.

He had invited you over to his apartment.

He liked you.

Easel boy really, honestly liked you.

No, not easel boy. Helmut. Hel.

Hel liked you, and he invited you over to his apartment, and you had plans to meet him with coffee as he painted the next morning.

You smiled softly under the fluorescent lights and pulled the book that had brought you together from your backpack. It seemed so unassuming now, just a fresh paperback with an unbroken spine, but in reality, it was so much more than that.

Hel.

It was such a nice name. You liked it a lot.

Now you couldn’t wait to see what else you liked about him too.

------

a/n: I have been so excited to start sharing this AU with you guys, and it’s finally here!!! If you liked this fic, I once again will direct you to Bliss by @creme-bruhlee​ because that’s technically next in chronological order for this AU. I hope you enjoyed!!!

TAGLIST: @tatestripedsweater , @elaineygrace, @multiyfandomgirl40 ,  @lovelymischief , @rami-malek-trash , @avgravy , @wh0re-4-techno , @forcebros , @sugarsweetkiss , @grandmuffinsharkbailiff , @killsandthrills , @novasstudy , @thnksfr-ptrkstmp , @inmate-marmalade, @alanathedeer , @your-pixels-are-showing , @shit-post-things , @bbarton​ , @sux-ubus , @halefirewarrior , @janelongxox , @rax-writes , @mossybank​ , @simsiddy​ , @xxspqcebunsxx​ , @be-cautious-around-bri​ , @metaphorical-love-for-a-car​ , @frothonthedaydreams​ 

[ballet-symphonie]

ngl having seen all this praise from the press, the general public and balletomanes of olga smirnova for her decision to leave russia and resume her career at DNB, it rubs me the wrong way. she already had plans to make the move to DNB long before russia's move on ukraine this year and as much as she talks about how ashamed she is of russia, she clearly was not ashamed in 2008 after russia's invasion of georgia, or in 2014 when crimea was annexed and ukraine was invaded, or in 2015 when MAS17 was shot down by russian backed rebel groups. russia invaded ukraine 8 years ago. or else she would've never even stayed in russia after her graduation, let alone joining the bolshoi. where was she? the russian government has been ruthlessly murdering innocents for years. why is she ashamed NOW and why did she make some moving speech about being against war all of a sudden? bc it got massive international press coverage and attention and it perfectly lined up to her plans of moving to DNB so she can conveniently make her move all about being anti-war and making a political statement? i feel for all the ukrainians who lost their lives, including dancers like artem datsyshyn, who did not get the same amount of coverage or same level of commemoration. these innocent people died, and olga smirnova lives, and continues to dance as a world renowned principal ballerina in amsterdam. excuse me if i don't feel the need to applaud her performative bullshit every time news about her heroic departure comes up or talk about how "proud" i am of someone who clearly had no qualms about headlining THE BOLSHOI of all theatres for years.

Honestly, I don't agree with a lot of the stuff being said here. First of all, during the 2008 invasion of Georgia, Smirnova would have been 16-17 years old. Would we have expected a VBA teenager to make a 'radical' anti- Russia declaration when they study for free at a school sponsored by the government? And that's giving an awful lot of agency to a minor, it's not like a child can just decide to leave the country of their own will.

I also am confident in saying that Russia's propaganda influenced many people's opinions about their war crimes in 2014-2016. While I'm not an expert on the details of that time, I would assume the government pushed a strong narrative framing those cruelties as acts to protect Russia and likely blamed all the backlash on Western countries being 'anti-Russia.' It sounds insane to those living outside of Russia, but there are many who truly believe and accept the 'alternative facts' presented to them by Putin's government without questioning it. Additionally, although there was certainly backlash, it pales in comparison to what is happening now, especially regarding the Western pressure and level of consistent attention. That being said, the general education at VBA is ...not great. It's not surprising many ballet dancers are firmly indoctrinated into Putin's narrative. Maybe Smirnova really, truly, 'woke up' in 2022 or maybe she just felt the pressure. People's feelings can change, there's no way for us to know.

Of course, she's not suffering to anywhere near the extent of the Ukrainian citizens who are brutally evacuating while watching their homes get destroyed but she still made a bold move. I don't know if her choice was more about preserving her career in the west or about genuinely being ashamed of the Russian government's actions. Likely it's a combination of both, especially considering her Ukrainian grandfather. I'm also not overly fixated on whether she had planned the move in advance, or simply accelerated her timeline because she made a difficult choice and a big sacrifice regardless. She walked away from her home country and her home theater which she was literally the queen bee of and suddenly moved to a foreign country. With Zakharova's retirement coming closer each year, Smirnova's fame and fortune were all but guaranteed to rise as the face of BT. Of course, she also had the luxury to leave, she's married to a powerful investment banker with the connections and money to get them and their affairs safely out of the country. Not everyone has such privileges.

I also disagree that her action is performative because she did make a choice that is sparking a discussion and no doubt influencing the opinions of Russians and non-Russians alike. We know how harsh the Russian censorship is, it takes a lot of strength to speak out. If Smirnova's decision opens the eyes of some more people, that itself is impactful. Unlike many of her colleagues who are merely staying silent to protect themselves, hoping they don't get called to denounce the regime, or worse, have signed their names publically to support Putin, she took action and made a big change in her life. It would have been much, much easier and more comfortable for her to conveniently stay at BT. Let's be honest, there are quite a few dancers leaving Russian theaters right now...but how many of them are Russian nationals?

And unfortunately, the news often prioritizes stories that are unique and attention-grabbing over sentimentality. Artem Datsyshyn was a victim of Russia's violence and his death along with thousands of others is a horrible tragedy. But, I'm not surprised Smirnova's story got far more media traction. She's an international ballet superstar from Russia's biggest and most famous arts center and she made a decision that defies what is 'expected.' When the vast majority of Russian artists are making or at the very least heavily implying pro-war sentiments, a recognizable name going against the grain is an attractive story. I'm not saying it's morally or ethically responsible, but it's attention-grabbing and that's what news organizations gravitate to.

I don't think I would applaud her or praise her as some Ukrianinan/Humanitarian rights activist, but I do respect her more for this. Motivations for doing it aside, she made a difficult choice when everyone around her stood silent and did nothing.

[gem-rewatch]

SU rewatch- S1E11- Arcade Mania

Hey, long time no see!

I’m desperately bored in solitary quarantine at university right now, and decided to try and pick this SU rewatch series up again for fun. It’s been a while since I’ve watched through the show in order. Plus, now that this show is completely finished, there’s plenty more connections to make. I can’t promise I’ll be consistent with this, but at the very least I can have fun trying to make a few more posts at my leisure.

Anyways. With that business out of the way. Let’s get right on to the show!

We begin with yet another mission Steven’s guardians have brought him along on! I believe this is the fifth mission we know of that he’s accompanied them on so far. (Lunar Sea Spire, Inverted Pyramid, the unknown mission he returns from in Tiger Millionaire, the desert, and now this one.) It’s really sweet seeing the Gems begin to trust him tagging along more often. There will come a day in the near future where missions become routine for Steven, but in these early episodes, you can really tell that each and every one is a brand new adventure.

In terms of plot, though, this episode is honestly Future Vision: The Prequel.

We learn a lot about Garnet’s abilities and her role in the team here, even if all of these details aren’t spelled out word-for-word quite yet. Hints towards her future vision we see this ep include:

Garnet moving ahead of the group to be in the perfect spot to catch Steven when he falls.

Her flawless moves while fighting and dodging the monsters.

Her becoming a master at the rhythm game later in the episode.

Like, damn. Look at this.

Look at her go.

My Q U E E N!

I had to gif all of this just because it’s such a beautiful and smooth sequence of animation.

If there’s one thing all of the Crystal Gems can 100% agree on, it’s that Garnet is friggin’ amazing.

Garnet: “Let them go. They’re just parasites. If they want to be a problem, they’ll have to answer to me.”

So, does this statement mean that- at this present moment- her extended stay at the arcade was entirely beyond her future vision? That the only futures she saw were ones where she was actually present to deal with containment of the Gem parasites? Given that later scenes insinuate she’d never been to the arcade before, and would have no “data” about its games to factor into her internal understanding of the world, this seems likely.

I adore the gradual palette change here, from shadow, to setting sun. It’s a nice detail that adds so much more life to what could otherwise be a rather mundane transition scene. It seems like unique palettes were more common in early SU- I wonder why Crewniverse stopped implementing these as often later on?

Pearl, entering the arcade: “Humans find such fascinating ways to waste their time.”

Thanks, Pearl. Love you too. <3

This sequence of Pearl failing at playing a car chase/road rage game hits so much different knowing what happens in Last One Out of Beach City. It’s genuinely radical how far she grows in confidence from this point, because here, she seems so shackled to rules and guidelines. Now that we know about her rebellious past, it might be tempting to write this characterization off as “early series weirdness,” but... I don’t think that’s what’s happening here.

Instead, I wonder if she’s working through grief-related regression.

Think about it... the pain of Rose’s passing is still so fresh for her. She was a rule breaking rebel once, yes, but she spent all of those days at Rose’s side. And I get the sense that she’s poured so much of herself into keeping Rose safe, into the rebellion against Homeworld, that without those, she’s caught in a vacuum. What IS her purpose now, when the very person she rebelled for is gone?

So she slips back into old pearl-like habits. Chronic rule following, and a fear of deviating from norms. How familiar. Thankfully, much of her arc throughout the show is her directly growing beyond these habits to live boldly as her own Gem.

The friggin video game when Garnet knocks its head off: “TELL MY WIFE I’M SORRYYY!!!”

Yo, what the fuck. This line is both hilarious and messed up, all at once. Please tell me the game isn’t sentient.

Aaaand here we finally introduce Garnet to the video game sensation that is Meat Beat Mania! This game is perfectly suited to her and her power of foresight because its patterns are algorithmic and not vulnerable to spontaneous deviations, and thus easy to predict, with enough input. She’s probably getting a quick rush of satisfaction with every correct move, and she barely has to exert any energy with her future vision to get that rush. After years and years of wading through endless possibility at every avenue, this video game’s patterns must be a rejuvenating breath of fresh air.

It’s addicting.

...Kinda makes me think of how I get sometimes when I play solitaire on my phone for an hour straight. After a while, I barely even think, I’m just shuffling through my deck and moving cards almost on automatic. I don’t have to use much energy to play, and it gives me animated fireworks every time I finish a match. It’s a win-win.

Amethyst: “I’MMA WIN AN AIRPLANE!”

I don’t know what it is about the way Michaela Dietz says the world “airplane,” but this makes me laugh every time. Does... does she think she can win a genuine airplane here because she saw Onion win a tiny motorbike from the ticket booth?? Amethyst, oh my god. XD

She’s got the spirit, this wild child.

So, moving on- we meet up with our crew later the next morning, Garnet nowhere to be seen. There’s an interesting exchange I’d like to highlight real quick-

Pearl: “If we’re supposed to fight a giant foot, Garnet would let us know.” Amethyst: “Yeah, Garnet’s the boss!” Pearl: “Well, we’re all a team. Garnet just has heightened perception that guides us towards our mission objectives.”

Considering the specific phrasing Pearl uses here- “heightened perception” instead of “future vision-” did Garnet outright tell the two of them to not explain her powers, just like she told them not to mention she’s a fusion? Because I’m pretty sure no one ever uses the phrase “heightened perception” again in reference to her powers.

Given the fact that Garnet chose to keep the knowledge of Ruby and Sapphire under the table until she felt Steven could understand her better, my guess is that this is a similar scenario.

Ahah, I genuinely can’t tell if this is Steven being gullible, or just impulsively playing along with Amethyst’s antics. Still- gross, kid. Don’t wipe your wet cereal face on your shirt! Ew! :O

When he goes outside and starts to use a kiddy metal detector to scan for quarters... so THAT’S where he finds his arcade money! Because I can’t imagine Greg is financially able to give him that much to spend on non-essentials at this point in the show.

Okay, so... I just want to bring light to the fact that Garnet has literally been in this arcade ALL NIGHT LONG.

It was evening when she first arrived here- the sun was visibly setting in the background, and when Steven, Amethyst, and Pearl left, the sky was dark. But now it’s morning. Steven was just seen eating breakfast. And Garnet is STILL HERE.

Does this mean Mr. Smiley locked her IN? I have so many questions... Did he try to get her to leave, only to be intimidated by her complete lack of response? I would kill to know more about this interaction. Poor Mr. Smiley. That man deals with so much bullshit in this town, huh?

Geebus, is Garnet a solid wall. Previous episodes have shown Steven forcibly shoving whole tons of food, and swinging a mini-freezer over his head, and yet he can’t get her to budge even an inch.

I absolutely adore how he climbs up her frame like a koala, though, ahah. Cute.

Meat Beat Mania announcer: “That’s rare!!” Steven: “Oh my gosh...!”

I take these two lines as evidence that this is the first time Steven’s ever seen Garnet’s eyes. Specifically, the fact that there’s three of them. Which, makes sense- since Garnet is still really reserved emotionally at this point, and is only begins to get in the habit of taking her visor off to show Steven her full face later on in the show.

This expression deeply hurts me.

Steven’s so distraught here- because the others are in danger, the town is in danger, and he doesn’t have his trusty, dependable guardian who catches him when he falls and beats up scary monsters for him. Without her, the whole team is vulnerable and blind.

He feels alone. He feels... powerless.

And so he responds to that confusing, powerless feeling by trying to compensate with his own power. When all other routes he can think of fail, he smashes the video game console.

It... uh, it works... but once again, Steven entirely fails to consider the consequences, huh? He experienced a little bit of character growth in this regard in the episode Serious Steven, but even past that it’ll remain an recurring issue for him. Hell, his impulsiveness is a general character flaw even stretching into SUF.

In summary, though:

Poor Mr. Smiley. He works so hard, and doesn’t deserve this BS. ;-;